cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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