oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize