were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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