Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no you cant smoke seaweed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
