"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
