Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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