Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
