areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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