dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
