I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
