Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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