So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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