I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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