Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
