One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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