Don't you send me to vm
we have pet lesbian snakes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize