i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
