i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
