this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
