I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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