There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
