There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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