Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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