Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
