I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
