At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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