i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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