She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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