I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
