Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
