I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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