so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
