I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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