We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
