Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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