Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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