What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
