I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
