I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
