she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
