Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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