first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
