Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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