no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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