So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
