I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have aggressive nipples.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
