And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
