when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
