I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
