So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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