we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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