it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
